Corporate Things
Corporate Things · Biceps Detective Agency Season 1 · Expect unexpected.

Biceps tracks chaos.

In offices people speak their own language: , , . Detective Bonifacy Biceps translates it into human. Biceps’s translationsynergyanother meeting with no agenda. Biceps’s translationoptimizationfewer people, same workload. Biceps’s translationflexible working hoursyou work whenever the boss calls. Move the lens over the text: underlined words and traces in the background. Keyboard: Tab, then Enter. Tap the underlined words and the faint traces in the background.

Strong coffee. Unrealistic deadlines. Hope dies last. Case files
Silhouette of Detective Bonifacy Biceps in a hat and coat. Inside the silhouette is a city: office towers, power lines, and chains with padlocks around the neck.
Illustrative photo. The original prefers the shadows.

Personnel file · case no. 000

The detective’s profile.

His backstory resembles Batman’s. Minus the fortune, minus Alfred, plus an employment contract.

  1. I

    Youth

    The First Communion money vanished.

    His parents put it in a . The place has never been disclosed. Young Bonifacy learned for the first time that money always ends up in someone’s pocket.

    Biceps’s translationsafe placea place nobody remembers anymore.
  2. II

    First job

    He bounced off the pay ceiling.

    Many times. was invisible and remarkably solid. Result: loss of hope. It died last, so it took a while. The nickname stuck.

    Biceps’s translationThe pay ceilinga limit only the employer knows.
  3. III

    Birth of a detective

    He bought a hat.

    Trust and hope were shelved, so Bonifacy took up something that still works: investigations. The coat and a bubble pipe came as a set. Strong coffee too. He earned the nickname “Biceps” later, at his home gym.

Occupation
Corporate detective
Name
Bonifacy. The rest are nicknames
Nicknames
Ceiling (from his first job, no bonus), Biceps (from the home gym)
Office
An office with strong coffee. Rented, no option to buy
Vehicle
None. The “Project Space Bus” folder suggests someone else has one
Equipment
Hat, bubble pipe, coat, a phone with X and Discord
Bubble pipe
He blows corporate absurdities and management’s hopes of covering up the case through it. They usually burst after a few seconds
Gym
Home gym. Conclusions form between sets
Opponent
The board. Especially the one with the dividend
Signal in the sky
0.00 PLN
Motto
“The hardest thing to find is something that never existed.”

Case files

Four cases on file. The last one is a game.

Unsolved

Files nobody wants to close.

  • N-01

    A report has been built every week for three years. Nobody ordered it and nobody opens it.

    Why it is unsolved Its author was promoted.

    Last seen
    Monday at 9:00, on a screen nobody switched on.
    Witnesses
    The author (promoted), the recipient (unknown).
    Status
    Postponed until we find out who ordered it.
    Report a similar case

  • N-02

    There was pizza. There was bowling. The budget that was meant to cover it exists in no spreadsheet.

    Why it is unsolved The controller has been on leave since the quarter began.

    Last seen
    In the integration deck, slide 14, as “own funds”.
    Witnesses
    The controller (on leave), two people who ate the pizza.
    Status
    The request for clarification awaits approval of the clarification budget.
    Report a similar case

  • N-03

    Last seen in 2019, in a space with a single view.

    Why it is unsolved The only witness left the company.

    Last seen
    In 2019, in the space “Shared knowledge”, with a single view.
    Witnesses
    The author (left), the person who clicked by mistake.
    Status
    Moved to the new wiki. The new wiki is waiting for documentation.
    Report a similar case

  • N-04

    Running weekly for eleven months. Nobody remembers its purpose.

    Why it is unsolved Cancelling it needs approval from attendees who never show up.

    Last seen
    Every Tuesday at 11:00, in a room without windows.
    Witnesses
    Eleven people, each sure that someone else is chairing.
    Status
    An invitation to a meeting about the cancellation has been sent. Attendance: as usual.
    Report a similar case

  • N-05

    Everyone knows it was not them.

    Why it is unsolved The cameras cover the coffee machine, and the pot is out of frame.

    Last seen
    On Thursday, in the third-floor kitchen, a metre from the coffee machine.
    Witnesses
    The coffee machine. It does not testify.
    Status
    The request for a camera over the pot awaits a decision on the pot.
    Report a similar case

Biceps’s method

Three rules of investigation.

  1. 01

    Check whether the thing existed at all.

    The hardest thing to find is something that never existed. Start with the budget sheet.

  2. 02

    Money always ends up in someone’s pocket.

    When an amount evaporates, look at the dividend.

  3. 03

    Translate the announcement.

    “Optimization” means layoffs. “Flexibility” means working weekends. “Let’s talk about the future” is a request to pack your desk.

New file

Report an absurdity.

Heard a sentence at work that means something other than what it says? Paste it in. Biceps will take it from there.

You are anonymous. Just like on SharePoint. We collect no emails or contact details. Reports go to the file, meaning a dashboard, and are not published automatically. Leave out names unless you must. The hosting provider may log technical data such as the IP address to filter spam.

Paste a sentence from an email, a meeting or an announcement.

Next case · in progress

A secret file on the desk:

Biceps’s translationProject Space Busto be continued…

An anonymous informant sent Biceps one sentence: the bonus is only the beginning.